//(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s) [I am death incarnate]//
(mouseover: "I am death incarnate") + (transition: "dissolve") + (transition-time: 2s) [That voice.]
(mouseover: "That voice") + (transition: "dissolve") + (transition-time: 2s)[There it was again.]
(mouseover: "again") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[It knew just when to jar me from my (link-goto: "sleep","Sleep"). Hard as I tried, I couldn’t ever remember the first time I heard its voice. Actually, I don’t think I ever did //hear// it, if that makes any sense. The “words” were more or less imprinted in my head, never really spoken. Not physically. God, this isn’t making any sense to you, is it? Well the way my “friend” communicated with me was similar to the way you and your imaginary friend had (or have? Not one to judge) conversations. You were the only one that ever heard it, but you knew they spoke to you. Making more sense now? Sorry, I’ve never been very good at explaining things. Regardless of all, that’s how I’ve grown to think of my guest. He/she/it/they was my unwanted, imaginary (link-goto: "friend","Friends"). I couldn’t see him/her/it/they. Well at least, not all the time. My friend would periodically appear beside my reflection. Other times I’d be kept up well into the night because he/she/it/they would stand over me. Always at the (link-goto:"right side","Devils") of my bed; standing over me as I slept, its horrific excuse for a face inches from my own. Its breath reeked of the death of countless souls. Why could I smell it? It isn’t real. Insanity had become tiring to say the least. I often wondered when it’d be my turn to be dinner for my imaginary demon friend.]
(mouseover:"demon friend.") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)
[My wish for death’s sweet embrace had less to do with fear or sorrow. More with simply being annoyed.
You know. “I wouldn’t have to go to work if I died” “Who really wants to be 90 anyway?” “At least I won’t have to pay all these bills!” I’m sure everyone has though these things one time or another. Wouldn’t that make all of us suicidal? Doesn’t that mean everyone is crazy? Or even better yet, I’m still as normal as I thought I was before I had to share body and mind with this…apparition or whatever the fuck... Wait, what was I saying? Does it even matter?]
(mouseover:"Does it even matter") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[This is was an answer to a different question. And no, I’ve no idea why I answered aloud. Wells the phrasing applied in both instances but the subject was different. The IT was different. I’m sorry this is confusing isn’t it? Putting thoughts together coherently has been getting increasingly difficult lately. Ok, let me try to clear it up a bit. Follow me closely, I might need you to repeat some of this back to me.]
(mouseover:"back to me") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)
[I’d been lying there in my bed. Up well before my alarm wondering if I could remember how this had gone on for as many times and as long as it needed for it to become the norm. And THAT’S when I asked myself whether or not it mattered]
(mouseover:"it mattered") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s) [I think...]
(mouseover:"I think")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[yes]
(mouseover:"yes")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[Yes!]
(mouseover:"Yes!")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[That’s how it went.]
(mouseover:"how it went")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[Alright, are we caught up? Great! So sorry about all that nonsense. Focusing has been increasingly difficult these days.]
(mouseover:"these days") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[I continued to speak to myself as I shaved and got ready for my day. I’ve tried to speak to him…her, whatever it was before. It wasn’t a good conversationalist. Barely ever responding, and whenever it did, it was about things that weren’t really of any consequence. Some gibberish language that didn’t make any sense. More often than not, it spouted doom and gloom.]
//(mouseover:"gloom")+(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[I am the summation of all your nightmares]//
(mouseover:"your nightmares")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[My therapist, whose job it was to remain as incredulous as possible, told me repeatedly that my newfound affinity for thinking and talking aloud was a control mechanism. I just wanted to try and talk the thing into leaving me the hell alone. I wasn’t a fan of sentient beings that I COULD see. Living with an invisible one in my head just would not do.]
(mouseover:"would not do")[My therapist and her degree in psychology left absolutely no room for the idea that what I was experiencing was real. But honestly what could she know? It is there when I close my eyes, it is there when I look in the mirror; Always beside me, looking over my shoulder. Its eyes simple orbs of deep black. Its face covered in in uneven patches of black scales and fur.]
//(mouseover:"scales and fur")+(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[I am order and balance. You could not discern the difference between right and wrong, so I shall make the distinction for you.]//
(mouseover:"distinction")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[It’s nose-rather the lack thereof- was represented by two, thin oval, vertical slits positioned in the center of its grisly face. Below that was where it kept the bear-trap it passed off as a mouth. Its lower jaw jutted out, allowing for the bottom row of its awful, shredding teeth to always be shown, even when it didn’t speak.]
(mouseover:"jutted")+(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[I am your disgust and disdain…]
(mouseover:"disdain")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[The jagged teeth that curved up from the jaw, caging the monster’s upper lip were yellowed and stained. There was always fresh blood dripping from them; down its teeth and onto its broad chest scaled as were his torso and face; with a thin layer of fur fighting through spots.]
//(mouseover:"fighting through spots")+(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[I am the harsh light that shreds through the safety of your (link-goto:"darkness…","Darkness")You need me as much as I need you…]//
(mouseover:"I need you") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[From its broad, fur-covered shoulders extended long arms. More white scales and fur covered ropey muscle. Each appendage ended in large, bear-paw sized talons.]
(mouseover:"talons") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[It’s thick legs ended off in humanoid feet while behind it whipped a long, reptilian tail.](mouseover:"tail") + (transition:"dissolve")+(transition-time:2s)[It would tell me its name but I couldn’t repeat it if I tried. I don’t think humans could make those sounds anymore; Or that they were ever able to in the first place. I understood it, though. The name, I mean. In my heart and mind I understood what to call him/her/it. Let’s just call it demon for now.]
(mouseover:"for now") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s) [For all that I couldn’t understand about my “guest” its intentions were clear. They were as bright, clear and evil as the desert sun. It wanted to sow pain strife and malaise in the most overt ways. These thoughts rang through my head for so long and so often that it felt as though they were becoming part of me. The worst part of it all was that I was starting to like it…]
"...perchance to dream, come let's play soccer with their spleen.
Should we scoop it out?
Eat it whole.
Use the thing as a bowl?
Make pretty scarf of their entrails.
Make their tongues dove tails.
What fun, oh what fun it will be.
But first.
Be calm. Be Still.
[[Sleep|The Voice(SleepClicked)]]
But there IS safety in darkness.
Moreso than light.
The light [[lies|TheVoice(DarknessClicked)]]. Aren't they all [[imaginary|The Voice(FriendClicked)]] anyway? In christian mythology, the left side is reserved for evil and the devil; The right hand reserved for god. Little do we know, [[demons|The Voice(RightSideClicked)]] hide there too. //(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble")[I am death incarnate]//
That voice.
There it was again.
It knew just when to jar me from my (link-goto: "sleep","Sleep"). Hard as I tried, I couldn’t ever remember the first time I heard its voice. Actually, I don’t think I ever did //hear// it, if that makes any sense. The “words” were more or less imprinted in my head, never really spoken. Not physically. God, this isn’t making any sense to you, is it? Well the way my “friend” communicated with me was similar to the way you and your imaginary friend had (or have? Not one to judge) conversations. You were the only one that ever heard it, but you knew they spoke to you. Making more sense now? Sorry, I’ve never been very good at explaining things. Regardless of all, that’s how I’ve grown to think of my guest. He/she/it/they was my unwanted, imaginary friend. I couldn’t see him/her/it/they. Well at least, not all the time. My friend would periodically appear beside my reflection. Other times I’d be kept up well into the night because he/she/it/they would stand over me. Always at the (link-goto:"right side","Devils") of my bed; standing over me as I slept, its horrific excuse for a face inches from my own. Its breath reeked of the death of countless souls. Why could I smell it? It isn’t real. Insanity had become tiring to say the least. I often wondered when it’d be my turn to be dinner for my imaginary demon friend.]
(mouseover:"demon friend.") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)
[My wish for death’s sweet embrace had less to do with fear or sorrow. More with simply being annoyed.
You know. “I wouldn’t have to go to work if I died” “Who really wants to be 90 anyway?” “At least I won’t have to pay all these bills!” I’m sure everyone has though these things one time or another. Wouldn’t that make all of us suicidal? Doesn’t that mean everyone is crazy? Or even better yet, I’m still as normal as I thought I was before I had to share body and mind with this…apparition or whatever the fuck... Wait, what was I saying? Does it even matter?]
(mouseover:"Does it even matter") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[This is was an answer to a different question. And no, I’ve no idea why I answered aloud. Wells the phrasing applied in both instances but the subject was different. The IT was different. I’m sorry this is confusing isn’t it? Putting thoughts together coherently has been getting increasingly difficult lately. Ok, let me try to clear it up a bit. Follow me closely, I might need you to repeat some of this back to me.]
(mouseover:"back to me") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)
[I’d been lying there in my bed. Up well before my alarm wondering if I could remember how this had gone on for as many times and as long as it needed for it to become the norm. And THAT’S when I asked myself whether or not it mattered]
(mouseover:"it mattered") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s) [I think...]
(mouseover:"I think")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[yes]
(mouseover:"yes")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[Yes!]
(mouseover:"Yes!")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[That’s how it went.]
(mouseover:"how it went")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[Alright, are we caught up? Great! So sorry about all that nonsense. Focusing has been increasingly difficult these days.]
(mouseover:"these days") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[I continued to speak to myself as I shaved and got ready for my day. I’ve tried to speak to him…her, whatever it was before. It wasn’t a good conversationalist. Barely ever responding, and whenever it did, it was about things that weren’t really of any consequence. Some gibberish language that didn’t make any sense. More often than not, it spouted doom and gloom.]
(mouseover:"gloom")+(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[I am the summation of alll your nightmares]
(mouseover:"your nightmares")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[My therapist, whose job it was to remain as incredulous as possible, told me repeatedly that my newfound affinity for thinking and talking aloud was a control mechanism. I just wanted to try and talk the thing into leaving me the hell alone. I wasn’t a fan of sentient beings that I COULD see. Living with an invisible one in my head just would not do.]
(mouseover:"would not do")[My therapist and her degree in psychology left absolutely no room for the idea that what I was experiencing was real. But honestly what could she know? It is there when I close my eyes, it is there when I look in the mirror; Always beside me, looking over my shoulder. Its eyes simple orbs of deep black. Its face covered in in uneven patches of black scales and fur.]
(mouseover:"scales and fur")+(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[“I am order and balance. You could not discern the difference between right and wrong, so I shall make the distinction for you.]
(mouseover:"distinction")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[It’s nose-rather the lack thereof- was represented by two, thin oval, vertical slits positioned in the center of its grisly face. Below that was where it kept the bear-trap it passed off as a mouth. Its lower jaw jutted out, allowing for the bottom row of its awful, shredding teeth to always be shown, even when it didn’t speak.]
(mouseover:"jutted")+(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[I am your disgust and disdain…]
(mouseover:"disdain")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[The jagged teeth that curved up from the jaw, caging the monster’s upper lip were yellowed and stained. There was always fresh blood dripping from them; down its teeth and onto its broad chest scaled as were his torso and face; with a thin layer of fur fighting through spots.]
(mouseover:"fighting through spots")+(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[I am the harsh light that shreds through the safety of your (link-goto:"darkness…","Darkness")You need me as much as I need you…]
(mouseover:"I need you") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[From its broad, fur-covered shoulders extended long arms. More white scales and fur covered ropey muscle. Each appendage ended in large, bear-paw sized talons.]
(mouseover:"talons") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[It’s thick legs ended off in humanoid feet while behind it whipped a long, reptilian tail.](mouseover:"tail") + (transition:"dissolve")+(transition-time:2s)[It would tell me its name but I couldn’t repeat it if I tried. I don’t think humans could make those sounds anymore; Or that they were ever able to in the first place. I understood it, though. The name, I mean. In my heart and mind I understood what to call him/her/it. Let’s just call it demon for now.]
(mouseover:"for now") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s) [For all that I couldn’t understand about my “guest” its intentions were clear. They were as bright, clear and evil as the desert sun. It wanted to sow pain strife and malaise in the most overt ways. These thoughts rang through my head for so long and so often that it felt as though they were becoming part of me. The worst part of it all was that I was starting to like it…]
//(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble")[I am death incarnate]//
That voice.
There it was again.
It knew just when to jar me from my sleep. Hard as I tried, I couldn’t ever remember the first time I heard its voice. Actually, I don’t think I ever did //hear// it, if that makes any sense. The “words” were more or less imprinted in my head, never really spoken. Not physically. God, this isn’t making any sense to you, is it? Well the way my “friend” communicated with me was similar to the way you and your imaginary friend had (or have? Not one to judge) conversations. You were the only one that ever heard it, but you knew they spoke to you. Making more sense now? Sorry, I’ve never been very good at explaining things. Regardless of all, that’s how I’ve grown to think of my guest. He/she/it/they was my unwanted, imaginary (link-goto:"friend","Friends"). I couldn’t see him/her/it/they. Well at least, not all the time. My friend would periodically appear beside my reflection. Other times I’d be kept up well into the night because he/she/it/they would stand over me. Always at the (link-goto:"right side","Devils") of my bed; standing over me as I slept, its horrific excuse for a face inches from my own. Its breath reeked of the death of countless souls. Why could I smell it? It isn’t real. Insanity had become tiring to say the least. I often wondered when it’d be my turn to be dinner for my imaginary demon friend.
(mouseover:"demon friend.") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)
[My wish for death’s sweet embrace had less to do with fear or sorrow. More with simply being annoyed.
You know. “I wouldn’t have to go to work if I died” “Who really wants to be 90 anyway?” “At least I won’t have to pay all these bills!” I’m sure everyone has though these things one time or another. Wouldn’t that make all of us suicidal? Doesn’t that mean everyone is crazy? Or even better yet, I’m still as normal as I thought I was before I had to share body and mind with this…apparition or whatever the fuck... Wait, what was I saying? Does it even matter?]
(mouseover:"Does it even matter") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[This is was an answer to a different question. And no, I’ve no idea why I answered aloud. Wells the phrasing applied in both instances but the subject was different. The IT was different. I’m sorry this is confusing isn’t it? Putting thoughts together coherently has been getting increasingly difficult lately. Ok, let me try to clear it up a bit. Follow me closely, I might need you to repeat some of this back to me.]
(mouseover:"back to me") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)
[I’d been lying there in my bed. Up well before my alarm wondering if I could remember how this had gone on for as many times and as long as it needed for it to become the norm. And THAT’S when I asked myself whether or not it mattered]
(mouseover:"it mattered") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s) [I think...]
(mouseover:"I think")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[yes]
(mouseover:"yes")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[Yes!]
(mouseover:"Yes!")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[That’s how it went.]
(mouseover:"how it went")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[Alright, are we caught up? Great! So sorry about all that nonsense. Focusing has been increasingly difficult these days.]
(mouseover:"these days") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[I continued to speak to myself as I shaved and got ready for my day. I’ve tried to speak to him…her, whatever it was before. It wasn’t a good conversationalist. Barely ever responding, and whenever it did, it was about things that weren’t really of any consequence. Some gibberish language that didn’t make any sense. More often than not, it spouted doom and gloom.]
//(mouseover:"gloom")+(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[I am the summation of all your nightmares]//
(mouseover:"your nightmares")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[My therapist, whose job it was to remain as incredulous as possible, told me repeatedly that my newfound affinity for thinking and talking aloud was a control mechanism. I just wanted to try and talk the thing into leaving me the hell alone. I wasn’t a fan of sentient beings that I COULD see. Living with an invisible one in my head just would not do.]
(mouseover:"would not do")[My therapist and her degree in psychology left absolutely no room for the idea that what I was experiencing was real. But honestly what could she know? It is there when I close my eyes, it is there when I look in the mirror; Always beside me, looking over my shoulder. Its eyes simple orbs of deep black. Its face covered in in uneven patches of black scales and fur.]
//(mouseover:"scales and fur")+(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[I am order and balance. You could not discern the difference between right and wrong, so I shall make the distinction for you.]//
(mouseover:"distinction")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[It’s nose-rather the lack thereof- was represented by two, thin oval, vertical slits positioned in the center of its grisly face. Below that was where it kept the bear-trap it passed off as a mouth. Its lower jaw jutted out, allowing for the bottom row of its awful, shredding teeth to always be shown, even when it didn’t speak.]
//(mouseover:"jutted")+(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[I am your disgust and disdain…]//
(mouseover:"disdain")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[The jagged teeth that curved up from the jaw, caging the monster’s upper lip were yellowed and stained. There was always fresh blood dripping from them; down its teeth and onto its broad chest scaled as were his torso and face; with a thin layer of fur fighting through spots.]
//(mouseover:"fighting through spots")+(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[I am the harsh light that shreds through the safety of your (link-goto:"darkness…","Darkness")You need me as much as I need you…]//
(mouseover:"I need you") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[From its broad, fur-covered shoulders extended long arms. More white scales and fur covered ropey muscle. Each appendage ended in large, bear-paw sized talons.]
(mouseover:"talons") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[It’s thick legs ended off in humanoid feet while behind it whipped a long, reptilian tail.](mouseover:"tail") + (transition:"dissolve")+(transition-time:2s)[It would tell me its name but I couldn’t repeat it if I tried. I don’t think humans could make those sounds anymore; Or that they were ever able to in the first place. I understood it, though. The name, I mean. In my heart and mind I understood what to call him/her/it. Let’s just call it demon for now.]
(mouseover:"for now") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s) [For all that I couldn’t understand about my “guest” its intentions were clear. They were as bright, clear and evil as the desert sun. It wanted to sow pain strife and malaise in the most overt ways. These thoughts rang through my head for so long and so often that it felt as though they were becoming part of me. The worst part of it all was that I was starting to like it…]
//(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble")[I am death incarnate]//
That voice.
There it was again.
It knew just when to jar me from my (link-goto: "sleep","Sleep"). Hard as I tried, I couldn’t ever remember the first time I heard its voice. Actually, I don’t think I ever did //hear// it, if that makes any sense. The “words” were more or less imprinted in my head, never really spoken. Not physically. God, this isn’t making any sense to you, is it? Well the way my “friend” communicated with me was similar to the way you and your imaginary friend had (or have? Not one to judge) conversations. You were the only one that ever heard it, but you knew they spoke to you. Making more sense now? Sorry, I’ve never been very good at explaining things. Regardless of all, that’s how I’ve grown to think of my guest. He/she/it/they was my unwanted, imaginary (link-goto:"friend","Friends"). I couldn’t see him/her/it/they. Well at least, not all the time. My friend would periodically appear beside my reflection. Other times I’d be kept up well into the night because he/she/it/they would stand over me. Always at the right side of my bed; standing over me as I slept, its horrific excuse for a face inches from my own. Its breath reeked of the death of countless souls. Why could I smell it? It isn’t real. Insanity had become tiring to say the least. I often wondered when it’d be my turn to be dinner for my imaginary demon friend.]
(mouseover:"demon friend.") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)
[My wish for death’s sweet embrace had less to do with fear or sorrow. More with simply being annoyed.
You know. “I wouldn’t have to go to work if I died” “Who really wants to be 90 anyway?” “At least I won’t have to pay all these bills!” I’m sure everyone has though these things one time or another. Wouldn’t that make all of us suicidal? Doesn’t that mean everyone is crazy? Or even better yet, I’m still as normal as I thought I was before I had to share body and mind with this…apparition or whatever the fuck... Wait, what was I saying? Does it even matter?]
(mouseover:"Does it even matter") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[This is was an answer to a different question. And no, I’ve no idea why I answered aloud. Wells the phrasing applied in both instances but the subject was different. The IT was different. I’m sorry this is confusing isn’t it? Putting thoughts together coherently has been getting increasingly difficult lately. Ok, let me try to clear it up a bit. Follow me closely, I might need you to repeat some of this back to me.]
(mouseover:"back to me") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)
[I’d been lying there in my bed. Up well before my alarm wondering if I could remember how this had gone on for as many times and as long as it needed for it to become the norm. And THAT’S when I asked myself whether or not it mattered]
(mouseover:"it mattered") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s) [I think...]
(mouseover:"I think")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[yes]
(mouseover:"yes")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[Yes!]
(mouseover:"Yes!")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[That’s how it went.]
(mouseover:"how it went")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[Alright, are we caught up? Great! So sorry about all that nonsense. Focusing has been increasingly difficult these days.]
(mouseover:"these days") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[I continued to speak to myself as I shaved and got ready for my day. I’ve tried to speak to him…her, whatever it was before. It wasn’t a good conversationalist. Barely ever responding, and whenever it did, it was about things that weren’t really of any consequence. Some gibberish language that didn’t make any sense. More often than not, it spouted doom and gloom.]
//(mouseover:"gloom")+(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[I am the summation of all your nightmares]//
(mouseover:"your nightmares")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[My therapist, whose job it was to remain as incredulous as possible, told me repeatedly that my newfound affinity for thinking and talking aloud was a control mechanism. I just wanted to try and talk the thing into leaving me the hell alone. I wasn’t a fan of sentient beings that I COULD see. Living with an invisible one in my head just would not do.]
(mouseover:"would not do")[My therapist and her degree in psychology left absolutely no room for the idea that what I was experiencing was real. But honestly what could she know? It is there when I close my eyes, it is there when I look in the mirror; Always beside me, looking over my shoulder. Its eyes simple orbs of deep black. Its face covered in in uneven patches of black scales and fur.]
//(mouseover:"scales and fur")+(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[I am order and balance. You could not discern the difference between right and wrong, so I shall make the distinction for you.]//
(mouseover:"distinction")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[It’s nose-rather the lack thereof- was represented by two, thin oval, vertical slits positioned in the center of its grisly face. Below that was where it kept the bear-trap it passed off as a mouth. Its lower jaw jutted out, allowing for the bottom row of its awful, shredding teeth to always be shown, even when it didn’t speak.]
//(mouseover:"jutted")+(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[I am your disgust and disdain…]//
(mouseover:"disdain")+ (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[The jagged teeth that curved up from the jaw, caging the monster’s upper lip were yellowed and stained. There was always fresh blood dripping from them; down its teeth and onto its broad chest scaled as were his torso and face; with a thin layer of fur fighting through spots.]
//(mouseover:"fighting through spots")+(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[I am the harsh light that shreds through the safety of your (link-goto:"darkness…","Darkness")You need me as much as I need you…]//
(mouseover:"I need you") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[From its broad, fur-covered shoulders extended long arms. More white scales and fur covered ropey muscle. Each appendage ended in large, bear-paw sized talons.]
(mouseover:"talons") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[It’s thick legs ended off in humanoid feet while behind it whipped a long, reptilian tail.](mouseover:"tail") + (transition:"dissolve")+(transition-time:2s)[It would tell me its name but I couldn’t repeat it if I tried. I don’t think humans could make those sounds anymore; Or that they were ever able to in the first place. I understood it, though. The name, I mean. In my heart and mind I understood what to call him/her/it. Let’s just call it demon for now.]
(mouseover:"for now") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s) [For all that I couldn’t understand about my “guest” its intentions were clear. They were as bright, clear and evil as the desert sun. It wanted to sow pain strife and malaise in the most overt ways. These thoughts rang through my head for so long and so often that it felt as though they were becoming part of me. The worst part of it all was that I was starting to like it…]
//(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble")[I am death incarnate]//
That voice.
There it was again.
It knew just when to jar me from my (link-goto: "sleep","Sleep"). Hard as I tried, I couldn’t ever remember the first time I heard its voice. Actually, I don’t think I ever did //hear// it, if that makes any sense. The “words” were more or less imprinted in my head, never really spoken. Not physically. God, this isn’t making any sense to you, is it? Well the way my “friend” communicated with me was similar to the way you and your imaginary friend had (or have? Not one to judge) conversations. You were the only one that ever heard it, but you knew they spoke to you. Making more sense now? Sorry, I’ve never been very good at explaining things. Regardless of all, that’s how I’ve grown to think of my guest. He/she/it/they was my unwanted, imaginary (link-goto:"friend","Friends"). I couldn’t see him/her/it/they. Well at least, not all the time. My friend would periodically appear beside my reflection. Other times I’d be kept up well into the night because he/she/it/they would stand over me. Always at the (link-goto:"right side","Devils") of my bed; standing over me as I slept, its horrific excuse for a face inches from my own. Its breath reeked of the death of countless souls. Why could I smell it? It isn’t real. Insanity had become tiring to say the least. I often wondered when it’d be my turn to be dinner for my imaginary demon friend.]
My wish for death’s sweet embrace had less to do with fear or sorrow. More with simply being annoyed.
You know. “I wouldn’t have to go to work if I died” “Who really wants to be 90 anyway?” “At least I won’t have to pay all these bills!” I’m sure everyone has though these things one time or another. Wouldn’t that make all of us suicidal? Doesn’t that mean everyone is crazy? Or even better yet, I’m still as normal as I thought I was before I had to share body and mind with this…apparition or whatever the fuck... Wait, what was I saying? Does it even matter?
This is was an answer to a different question. And no, I’ve no idea why I answered aloud. Wells the phrasing applied in both instances but the subject was different. The IT was different. I’m sorry this is confusing isn’t it? Putting thoughts together coherently has been getting increasingly difficult lately. Ok, let me try to clear it up a bit. Follow me closely, I might need you to repeat some of this back to me.
I’d been lying there in my bed. Up well before my alarm wondering if I could remember how this had gone on for as many times and as long as it needed for it to become the norm. And THAT’S when I asked myself whether or not it mattered
I think...
yes
Yes!
That’s how it went.
Alright, are we caught up? Great! So sorry about all that nonsense. Focusing has been increasingly difficult these days.
I continued to speak to myself as I shaved and got ready for my day. I’ve tried to speak to him…her, whatever it was before. It wasn’t a good conversationalist. Barely ever responding, and whenever it did, it was about things that weren’t really of any consequence. Some gibberish language that didn’t make any sense. More often than not, it spouted doom and gloom.
//(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble")[I am the summation of all your nightmares]//
My therapist, whose job it was to remain as incredulous as possible, told me repeatedly that my newfound affinity for thinking and talking aloud was a control mechanism. I just wanted to try and talk the thing into leaving me the hell alone. I wasn’t a fan of sentient beings that I COULD see. Living with an invisible one in my head just would not do.
My therapist and her degree in psychology left absolutely no room for the idea that what I was experiencing was real. But honestly what could she know? It is there when I close my eyes, it is there when I look in the mirror; Always beside me, looking over my shoulder. Its eyes simple orbs of deep black. Its face covered in in uneven patches of black scales and fur.]
//(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble")[I am order and balance. You could not discern the difference between right and wrong, so I shall make the distinction for you.]//
It’s nose-rather the lack thereof- was represented by two, thin oval, vertical slits positioned in the center of its grisly face. Below that was where it kept the bear-trap it passed off as a mouth. Its lower jaw jutted out, allowing for the bottom row of its awful, shredding teeth to always be shown, even when it didn’t speak.
//(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble") [I am your disgust and disdain…]//
The jagged teeth that curved up from the jaw, caging the monster’s upper lip were yellowed and stained. There was always fresh blood dripping from them; down its teeth and onto its broad chest scaled as were his torso and face; with a thin layer of fur fighting through spots.
//(text-style: "smear") + (text-style: "rumble")[I am the harsh light that shreds through the safety of your darkness.You need me as much as I need you…]//
(mouseover:"I need you") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[From its broad, fur-covered shoulders extended long arms. More white scales and fur covered ropey muscle. Each appendage ended in large, bear-paw sized talons.]
(mouseover:"talons") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s)[It’s thick legs ended off in humanoid feet while behind it whipped a long, reptilian tail.](mouseover:"tail") + (transition:"dissolve")+(transition-time:2s)[It would tell me its name but I couldn’t repeat it if I tried. I don’t think humans could make those sounds anymore; Or that they were ever able to in the first place. I understood it, though. The name, I mean. In my heart and mind I understood what to call him/her/it. Let’s just call it demon for now.]
(mouseover:"for now") + (transition:"dissolve") + (transition-time:2s) [For all that I couldn’t understand about my “guest” its intentions were clear. They were as bright, clear and evil as the desert sun. It wanted to sow pain strife and malaise in the most overt ways. These thoughts rang through my head for so long and so often that it felt as though they were becoming part of me. The worst part of it all was that I was starting to like it…]